Monday, December 22, 2008

We're In!

[Email from Jay Lamm, Chief Perpetrator of the 24 Hours of LeMons]

22 December 2008

Hi, Team Captain: Good news--I think. Your team has officially been ACCEPTED for LeMons Gator-O-Rama, on 28 Feb-1 March 2009, at MSR Houston in Angleton TX. We got tons of crappy entries for this race; yours was just enough crappier to be selected. Nice work.

Okay: What do you need to do now?

A: Read this email completely.

B: Forward it to the rest of your team, one of whom is certainly smarter than you are. (You agreed to be captain, so clearly you're not the genius.)

C: Acknowledge this email with a reply that says "Team (Whatever the Hell it Is) Received the Acceptance." If you don't confirm, we'll assume you've wised up and will give away your slot. And yes, I am getting tired of receiving "Team (Whatever) etc" replies. Har har. Very clever. Never saw that one coming, nosireeebob.

* * * * * * * * * *
Now its time to wrench on the Danger Ranger and get the rest of our theme presentation ready!


Friday, December 19, 2008

Gator-O-Rama Application

I submitted the team's application for the Houston Gator-O-Rama. Here's what I wrote as our "Team Concept" and why we are cooler than the other guys and should be accepted:

Our team, previously known as “The Professionals,” competed at the 2008 Yee-Haw Its LeMons Texas event. Although we were not expected to finish above 40th place, our 9th place final standing won us the “No Prayer of Finishing Award,” deemed as good as a 1st place win.

The team’s theme revolves around a 1995 Ford “Danger” Ranger, the same Crapsman Truck used in the last Texas race. Sitting up since the last race, some strange bio-hazardous fluids and growth has appeared under the hood. Granted, something this extreme could only be grown in the bayous of South Louisiana and we think taking the truck back to Texas to race the biohazardous crap out of it would be the best course of action. After all, Louisiana doesn’t need any more bio-hazardous waste and surely no one would notice if we left the hazardous waste crap in that big ‘ole wasteland outside of Houston, Texas.

Being from the New Orleans area, we know how to party (even when there is work to be done) and can’t help drawing in everyone around us to share in the fun, especially the Chief Perpetrator and those magnificently garbed Justices of the LeMons Supreme Court (a/k/a Judge Phil & Judge Jonny). The Gator-O-Rama is the weekend after Mardi Gras and we plan to have a mini-parade in the paddock to promote the 2009 Laissez Les Crapheaps Roulez New Orleans to be held at No Problem Raceway in Belle Rose, LA complete with beads, throws and music. After all, the upcoming Louisiana race is an inaugural event at our home track and we want everyone to bring their crap cans to the bayou.

Seriously, we have a highly motivated team with a proven crap can (race truck) who are ready to drag their sorry asses (travel) to Texas to party (race) LeMons-style.

By the way, here in Louisiana we cook up alligators and eat ‘em as appetizers!

~Patty Poupart

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Let's Get the Ball Rollin'

[Email from Chris Wilken]

Team Lemon Hauler / Danger Ranger / The Professionals / Winners of the NPF (No Prayer of Finishing ) award and 9th overall announced its 2009 schedule today.

The team plans to participate in 3 LeMons races this year, two at MSR (Houston) and the inaugural event at our home track, No Problem Raceway Park. The dates are as follows:
  • February 28 – March 1 @ MSR
  • June 6 – 7 @ NPR (yes it will be frickin hot, but all that means is "Blow-up Pool Party")
  • October 24 – 25 @ MSR

There is another date on the books at Carolina Motorsports Park, however it is right before our Charity Challenge event and scheduling might get tight.

Check your calendars, work schedules, family commitments and let me know who wants to go when!

Drivers fees for the first MSR event are going to stay the same as last time ($450) in an attempt to put together a second team to take with us. After that, tires and entry fees are all we should have to come up with. ( ***** DISCLAIMER ***** Assuming the RX7 Mike drop kicked doesn’t come back for revenge and Dr. Phil gets better at bump drafting **** DISCLAIMER ****) Drivers will be responsible for their own LeMons License fee ($50) that will be good for all three events in '09.

We are hoping the little truck that did will continue to chug along and spread cheer and good tidings throughout the entire 2009 season but if not, keep your eyes and ears open for another Ranger of similar make and year. Also, please beware that Patty and Mike have been doing a lot of research and you will need to be prepared to dress in costume, bribe judges with food and booze as well as other ridiculous things which will surely add more fun and spirit to an already good time.

Look forward to hearing from you all soon!

Chris Wilken